This dream

It would be a nightmare to anyone else...but I've had it about four times now (changing slightly every time) and I just...really wish it would stop.

So I'm at a carnival (it kinda looks like the Del Mar Fair) and there's this guy who has on hundreds of totally disgusting, grotesque masks on. hundreds.

I know who is behind the masks but no one else around me does. I look around and they're all frightened or hating on him.

Telling me horrible things about this masked character who I thought i knew.
If you know me you'd say Im a beyond curious human being.
So...

I start taking off the masks, one by one by one and I keep staring into his eyes not the masks. which is why I was reluctant to do so. He himself looked scared so i focused in and just removed the masks, not caring if they came to life; tried to bite me; dripped blood on me; glared at me.

But the people around me were pulling me away from him, giving me shit; yelling at me for endangering them, throwing stones at my head.

But i just kept taking off the masks and staring into his eyes.

after what seemed like hours i got to the last mask and I was literally shaking
when i took it off that's exactly when I wake up.

in a cold sweat.

thoughts enclosed

At 11 years old my wrists were steel
beauty was the beast, i thought.

getting older, not so much wiser
getting harder to understand

bodies smashed together
walls growing higher

stains slowly growing larger on;
hearts, skin, brains

detrimental.

Interesting love outlook

When love speaks to you, believe in him, though his voice may shatter your dreams; love crowns you, love crucifies you.

love can do these things to you, so you can understand the secrets of your heart, and in your knowing becomes a fragment of life's heart.

but in fear, you seek only love's peace and pleasure.
when you love it is not "He is in my my heart" but "I am in his heart."

prepare to bleed willingly and joyfully; rest at noon, meditate love's ecstasy.


Kahlil Gibran

Have you ever

Just wanted someone to do stupid shit with, talk to, cuddle with, kiss, laugh with but not be in a relationship with?

sounds impossible these days.

...maybe i'm just being selfish?