Just looking back

today, i began to look back on my life and pick out what i forced myself to become, what i forced myself to live by because i wanted to fit into society and be loved by my parents.

how i fought against everything but inside worried more and more that i was never for anything.

griping isn't the same as creating something; rebelling isn't rebuilding; riduculing isn't replacing.

i began to pick and take the world apart....but became lost within myself and didn't know what to do with the pieces.

this generation needs to realize that our making fun of things isn't making the world any better...we spend so much time judging what other people created that we've created very, very little of our own.

i realized that i used rebellion as a way to hide out. we use criticism as a fake participation.

its incredibly depressing in a way. but once we're aware and doing something about it, the only way we can go is up.

just do it, and look up

Natural appreciation

The evening air flows through the trees
Cools my face with a fresh breeze

A great tree stands alone
Its bark ancient
It looks down from its highest branches
And remembers the roots that gave it life

At night, stars become gods
Clouds become imagination and inspiration
For artists and poets alike

The great volcano looms in the distance, half hidden by clouds
Almost invisible as the night blankets it

The lights flicker on
One by one
Life so distant yet so bright

Beauty that touches all senses
The taste of cool fresh air
The touch of the eastern winds
The sight of tranquility and peace
The sound of the wind through leaves and songs through birds

The night touches the soul
Breathes memories and lifts dreams

when you begin to..

figure out what makes you feel good, what makes you smile

you can't have too much because then it become the "same 'ol same 'ol" right?

that's what we would think but....you should just learn to appreciate it and accept it as is. and there will never be a bland moment

the situations, experiences, people and feelings that encompass and fulfill you; should inspire you, forever moving forward, always changing for the better because if we just digress...might as well slap a mickey mouse diaper on.

euhporia.

not even kidding. :]

i dont remember the last time i felt so free and genuinely energetic

The saying...

"Grace under pressure" has been running through my mind a lot recently..

if you've been stuck in a rut, or some sort of HOLE (?) i hope this will help you out...
we all have our ups and downs but its the way that we carry ourselves throughout the whole ordeal that will make it a success or failure.

if youre getting to know someone as a friend, girlfriend/boyfriend, president...you need to focus on them being in stressful situations which is exactly when they are 100% themselves.

for example, if you have a deadline for a 2,000 POINT project (tad exagg.) and you barely started on it are you going to FREEAKKK out and be all dramatic or just...put your head into it and get it finished to the best of your ability? which is basically all that parents/teachers care about

this all sounds a bit bland but its been floating around in my mind, it all makes total sense.
so the next time you feel like punching someones head or screaming at the top of your lungs just remember "Grace under Pressure" count to 3 and let all the emotions fly away

Once you realize..

how people honestly do NOT care you will be so much happier and more comfortable.

u.b.u. and i.b.me. you knoww?

If you think back at all the times when you truly were yourself, no inhibitions, no secrets, no insecurities, i will bet my last cup of mango juice that you felt good about yourself and you had fun!

and you weren't asking yourself "what if.." or saying "i should have.."

"the ones that matter don't mind, and the ones that don't mind matter" :D:D

so just be yourself please, you will see life in a different way, you will be happier you will feel like life is worth living because you are actually showing the world what you're made of and what's on your mind, you will put a smile on people's faces.

"we are all ordinary people, so this time we'll take it slow"

even though people don't take the honest time to get to know someone, what about you doing that to someone else and seeing the difference, you probably have no idea what im talking about...but the next time you meet someone give them a chance, they could be your next best friend, girl friend, boyfriend, mentor, soul sister

I guess what im trying to say is...be patient, be simple, be happy...be you.

not my best blog but you get it i hope :D

why are humans

So quick to judge? One look at a person and they assume the absolute worst or best.

maybe its just human nature to think in extremes, but personally i'd "rather pick flowers than fights" that did NOT make sense but im listening to Owl City and thought it was cute :}

hmm..You never truly understand someone, If you don't even understand yourself, who the hell are you to judge someone off of a frown theyre wearing or a rumpled shirt?...

like this weather, we're all shady when it comes to accepting people for they truly are. Indeed, not everyone is going to get along, not everyone is going to like or appreciate each other but, if we look at someone like theyre going to be your next best friend wouldnt that be a step in the right direction?

maybe im just too optimistic for the outside world?

"The stars lean down to kiss you And I lie awake and miss you Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere" ♥wl City :D

So today..

I wrote myself a letter sounds kind of strange but i was bored and i had a lot on my mind.
I started scribbling out sentences including phrases like, "you deserve.." "emotionally unstable".."the ability to ruin you" and.."no one's for the taking"

by the end of the first page my hand couldnt stop and i wrote almost three pages of encouragement, appreciation, and motivation. I wish i could write it out here, but it's wayyy too personal and just out there.

but i will leave you with this:

"The people who try the hardest to stay in your life are the ones that belong there."

OH dear

"she's got you high you don't even know yet."

these memories are so lucid. its terrible because they'll never come alive like they once were; vibrant & flamboyant.

he ruined something in my life that had potential to be something fascinating and provocative

"don't give up on something that you can't go a day thinking about"

haha i love how there are so many sayings that mean something to me but i have to do the opposite.
im being forced to do the opposite.


freedom bound.

I'm beginning

To feel the pressures of being a senior, theyre strong yet unnecessary.

As much as i would like to admit my Senioritis, I can't. :[

FASFA, Scholarship forms, 4 projects due within 3 weeks, Acceptance letters, determined to pass auditions for Night with the Stars.

I know we all go through this I'm just beginning to feel the weight of it all.

This dream

It would be a nightmare to anyone else...but I've had it about four times now (changing slightly every time) and I just...really wish it would stop.

So I'm at a carnival (it kinda looks like the Del Mar Fair) and there's this guy who has on hundreds of totally disgusting, grotesque masks on. hundreds.

I know who is behind the masks but no one else around me does. I look around and they're all frightened or hating on him.

Telling me horrible things about this masked character who I thought i knew.
If you know me you'd say Im a beyond curious human being.
So...

I start taking off the masks, one by one by one and I keep staring into his eyes not the masks. which is why I was reluctant to do so. He himself looked scared so i focused in and just removed the masks, not caring if they came to life; tried to bite me; dripped blood on me; glared at me.

But the people around me were pulling me away from him, giving me shit; yelling at me for endangering them, throwing stones at my head.

But i just kept taking off the masks and staring into his eyes.

after what seemed like hours i got to the last mask and I was literally shaking
when i took it off that's exactly when I wake up.

in a cold sweat.

thoughts enclosed

At 11 years old my wrists were steel
beauty was the beast, i thought.

getting older, not so much wiser
getting harder to understand

bodies smashed together
walls growing higher

stains slowly growing larger on;
hearts, skin, brains

detrimental.

Interesting love outlook

When love speaks to you, believe in him, though his voice may shatter your dreams; love crowns you, love crucifies you.

love can do these things to you, so you can understand the secrets of your heart, and in your knowing becomes a fragment of life's heart.

but in fear, you seek only love's peace and pleasure.
when you love it is not "He is in my my heart" but "I am in his heart."

prepare to bleed willingly and joyfully; rest at noon, meditate love's ecstasy.


Kahlil Gibran

Have you ever

Just wanted someone to do stupid shit with, talk to, cuddle with, kiss, laugh with but not be in a relationship with?

sounds impossible these days.

...maybe i'm just being selfish?

Clearly.

you're clearly not the average soul,
your body lives for the present,
your eyes gather the depths of me.
you say "civilization is deadly"

the things you say are everything,
the truth doesn't matter anymore.

sometimes you feel so lifeless
when all you see is life.

sometimes you feel so old
when your mouth doesn't feel like smiling.

you just need a never ending touch, that i would gladly provide.

the average soul would take it and run
but you neither shudder or
hide.

Physics

watching light bend
automatically as it hits the water.
laughing as it succumbs to the laws of Physics.
wondering intently why humans act the same way.

humming the tune that weakened her soul.
realizing that times like these will never grow old.
braiding her hair while the chorus sings
she smiles at what lies before her
...a pair of beautiful wings

Music. 'nuff said.

Music is for any emotion
music can read your mind.
sadness or happiness
in music you can find.

whatever you are feeling
let music embrace
let the pain run right through you
let the tears run down your face

music is your friend
it understand you best
so when you're feeling down
put it to the test

with music there is
no right or wrong
the lyrics are a story
the music is the song

Passion

Lips molten and moist,
branding like red, hot irons.
Volcanic breath melting away inhibitions..
electric tongues probing secret places..
Sending high voltage currents to fingertips...
tracing patterns across glistening flesh.
Passions caught on the cutting edge,
between pleasure and pain

..like exposed nerves laid bare.

A little more

I'm tired and confused
Lost & Forlorn
I'm lead down the wrong path
by those I used to scorn

I'm losing control
there's nowhere to hide
I'm tired of running,
can't let them see me cry

My world is a puzzle,
that's falling apart
but not quite as quickly,
as his broken heart

I will not stop running
I'm losing this race
Come to me daylight,
Let's fight face to face.

Scritch Scratch

"While I sat there munching on my cilantro -tomato- mozzarella- olive salad, I glanced at my mother; wondering how the essence of youth is kept on her face but not in her heart"

"The pounding of the bass in sync with my heart made the largest demons and
temptations only seem so infinitesimal."

"Insecurities are about as useful as trying to put the pin back in the grenade."

"Only when you're empty of joy & excitement are you at a standstill and balanced"

"I let myself go..stranded somewhere between happiness and hopelessness"

"Night ran away as fast as it came, leaving two souls sitting on the grass, watching light filter through the leaf spaces"

Aren't we all

I want the phone to ring at 3 in the morning,
I want to see your face at any given moment.
I can tell that you're handsome
and you won't always agree
Arguments will end in laughter & kinkiness :]
I know that every secret of mine is secure behind your lips,
and we can talk from now till dawn about how much like sucks.
I want to be together, but free, not bound by rules of love.
Finding ways to disagree, but loving the outcome.
I tell you now, you don't exist
Because god damn it's me
Even if you were perfect
I'd still be too picky.

Simple.

The somber moment
words unspoken;
now their on a cloud

a tender kiss, so soft bliss
quintessence of tonight.
winds blowing softly
through her ebony hair

Just a thought

Why do people over think and try to justify other people's actions?

People are always finding themselves trying to analyze why people do what they do. From "why did the teacher pick on her and not me?" to "why hasn't a guy/chick called me back?". These thoughts fill people's heads for days until something else happens that they can over think. we forget to live our lives and focus on our own actions and how those could help someone else out. We become so involved in trying to decipher if "that was one winks or two" or "if her tone of voice went down because she dislikes me"

Just be positive there's always an upside to everything and the faster you realize the silver lining in every situation you'll be one step closer to true happiness.

HEY! build a fat bridge and get over it.

And also, learn how to be independent.

To those

To those of you who have found these writings fascinating I thank you. Every letter which makes a word; every word which makes a phrase; every phrase which is the foundation of a sentence; every sentence which is the heartbeat of a paragraph; give me complete and utter joy. whether it be read, written, sung or spoken.


"Words have a magical power. They can bring either the greatest happiness or deepest despair; they can transfer knowledge from teacher to student; words enable the orator to sway his audience and dictate its decisions. Words are capable of arousing the strongest emotions and prompting all men's actions."
-SIGMUND FREUD


I bid you a good night

Word Play

the miniscule spaces are anything but insignificant.
leading to distant worlds filled with intangible concepts.
blue and white shining lights, fingers in rule of the next spontaneous take off.
share with me the adventure into a heart, a home, a sphere.
you wont regret it.
youll live to relive it.

Double P's

i'm not your progression puppet.
do you see double P's on my forehead?
i won't rise to every tug, i wont bend towards your let downs.
let me have my leg back, let me cut the strings-"I'm a real girl!" i cry, "more than you'll ever be!"
you have your soft living, you have your get-rich-quick-schemes.
' i have my warmth. i have my confidence, your 'teriors are alike, im not your progression puppet. spell towards your happiness, happiness is what i spell.
you're a many sided woman, you're full if electricity, my whole house is lighted up, i'm not your progression puppet.

Imagine

his hands slid up and down her back,
increasing in speed..and passion.

This is it, she thought,
someone I was never going to do.

Her hands tightened around his shoulders,
her fingernails dug into his elastic,
from all the "water" he drank, skin.

He breathed in sharply
mixing his face into pain and pleasure.

She looked down embarrassed,
not wanting him to see her chapped lips,
damn the dry weather she thought.

She wanted to seem as smooth and sexy as possible.

She wanted him to remember this for at least a week,
until he once again found another P.Y.T. (pretty young thing).

She smiled, gently humming the Michael Jackson hit to herself,
making a quick transition to a soft groan.

Not once did they share eye contact,
not once did they kiss.

Signs of intention ,she thought, we don't want that..

he doesnt want that..

Sick of it.

SO HEY Its me :]

I've been into this guy for about a month now let's name him *Larry for public purposes. And last night I found out that he has a girlfriend, see I wouldn't have given a damn naturally. But I asked him point blank "...*Larry, do you have a girlfriend?"

Because contrary to popular belief I am sensitive. and I've been the opposite of the "other woman" dos times now. It is probably one of the worst feelings if you were deep about your significant other.

So, *Larry said NO. He also lied about having a facebook (because of the pictures on there) I mean who doooes that? Oh well, and so after the disappointment, I began to just feel sorry for his lady.. that she has no idea the love of her life is being disloyal and full on betraying her trust. and shes so beautiful, ugh men..(boys) these days. and just because youre 20 by the way does not make you a man i must say.

that is why it's a damn good idea to NOt be in a relationship when you're within the ages of 1-22. Yeahh I said it. We're all immature and selfish. it's in a young person's nature to be egotistic, ya dig?

So yes, have friends, don't ever let your guard down, you have 7 true loves in your lifetime, don't waste em, the only person you can trust is yourself.

live the life you LOVE, and vice versa {or not}

Wishing for you

I was so close to wishing for you...one minute too late looking up at 11:One-Two.
A small frown pressed on my lips, wishing for you. The hands slowly turn like in anyone else's mind, reaching 2:23...a steady rasp at my door, which was wishing for you (x2).

I sigh, hoping it's the black cloak calling my name, not wishing for you.(but then again.. its you?) You take a step forward awkwardly yet alluring. Smiles are exchanged, eyes looking through eyes.

The hands seemed to abruptly (stop) when you took my hands with yours. Staggered breathing upon my cheek, we were together and that was enough....for now.

Hey Welcome :]

If you're not interested in beginning to understand the ravelings of a young mind this is not the place for you. My name's raelyn or rae. Pitifully, my parents named me after themselves (how vain can you be, right?)

I've decided to write a blog to help keep my nerves and heart at ease. Writing has been and only ever been my main outlet & source of minute happiness. So welcome my dear, be prepared for a wonderful ride with my beautiful friends Words, Reality, Song & Life.

And if by any means you need to click the little red X in the upper right corner (left for Mac users) then go ahead and do so. I'm here to allow myself expression, creativity, and to be me not to write about what excites or entertains you.

Let us begin:]